Dear Miss Hillard,
Hi, my name is Addie. I saw your site and I knew I needed to contact you. I am 17 and am in High School. Recently, I’ve been having a lot of trouble with friends. All of my friends have changed since I knew them for the past 3 years and I don’t feel happy being around them anymore. Don’t get me wrong, they’re great people I just don’t know what to do. Should I move on or just stay with who I am comfortable?
Thanks for the help,
Finding and keeping good friends might be one of the hardest things to do in life. Not only do your friends change but so do you. Friends have such a HUGE impact on our lives and who we become. That is why it’s so important to think wisely and to spend time with who will impact you in positive ways. So, if you are feeling unhappy with your friends then you probably are. Duh right? Wrong. For many people, coming to this realization scares them. Our friends become our identity so easily. Without them, you may feel so alone or not yourself. That is why when we realize that we may be moving on from them, no one wants to accept this fact because it may mean not having friends. But, this is wrong. So, my first tip to you is realizing that your are unhappy with the current people you surround yourself with.
Now, realizing this does not mean immediately ditching your friends and never talking to them again. In fact, that will probably do more harm than good. What I suggest doing is branching out. Often, when we have a tight circle of people we are comfortable with, we block out other people that may be potential friends. Don’t do this. Maybe try talking to your classmate in the seat next to you. Or, ask a teammate about their day. Moving on does not mean ditching but instead gradually going separate ways.
Lastly, know your priorities. Sometimes if we truly are unhappy with our friends it’s not because we’re moving on but that you want something better. Longing for something better is definitely not the same as moving on. For example, in 6th grade I had an amazing group of friends until I desired to become popular. I convinced myself that I was unhappy and ditched them for the popular group of girls which I was accepted into. I was happy for a few weeks until I realized what I had gotten myself into. They weren’t true friends and they didn’t care about me except for what I was wearing that day. I quickly became unhappy again and wanted my old friends back. But, because I had ditched them for better people it was very hard to get accepted again. Knowing the root cause of why you are becoming unhappy with your friends will help you in the long run. If it is because of popularity, know that in a few years, none of that will matter.
I know I know it sounds cliche but although many of your friends will disappoint throughout the years, there is one true friend that will never leave or move on from us, even when we want to move on from him. God. I really encourage you to remember this throughout all the crazy pointless friend drama or experiences. Our one true friend will never leave or forsake us and that is something that is irreplaceable.
I hope you all have a great week and I hope that this really made you think about some of the people that you have chose to surround yourself with. Remember, I would love to talk to you about anything! Dms, comments, anything. And definitely don’t forget to follow the Ask Miss Hillard Instagram!
P. S. I really hope y’all got that gossip girl reference 😉
A friend loves at all times